This was such a quick turn around! When she first called me, her plan was to stop riding until she had paid off mountains of debt. My answer? "NO! Even though you can't afford to ride right now, you are NOT going to stop riding AND you will pay off your debt!" Read her story below!
From Covid Challenges (Depression, Stress, Marital, and Financial Problems), plus the Fear of Riding, to Rockstar Amateur and Entrepreneur!
Before coaching, list 2-3 of the greatest challenges in your life at that time (what types of things kept you awake at night and were pressing problems that needed to be solved in your life)?
A) Total frustration that I would never have enough money to get a horse of my own. B) Total belief that without a horse of my own, I could never advance my riding. C) Fear of getting hurt and a total belief that I needed to ride completely made and bombproof horses because I am a “chicken - $%*& Adult Amateur rider”!
How were the above problems impacting your life (list as many as you can recall)?
I felt depressed and unmotivated in my work (My husband and I own a business that was very successful pre-Covid) because the amount of debt we had incurred seemed insurmountable to overcome ... which I thought needed to be done to get a horse, which I thought I needed to have to become a good rider.
So because I felt that I could not attain my financial goals to get said horse, I would always be that poor person begging to ride other people’s crappy horses who could, by the way, get me hurt. Because I told myself I was scared. I told myself I was a “nervous rider”. And that I would need to spend gobs and gobs of money to get a total packer. Something that seemed unattainable given our current financial situation.
I also felt like I needed my husband’s complete approval to get a horse again. That he had to be 100% on board …that I needed his permission. I was afraid of making him unhappy. So I felt like no matter how hard I worked, I would never get what I wanted. So I shut down. And with Covid, our income plummeted and I was very depressed and felt hopeless.
What finally had you say “enough is enough” that inspired you to work with a coach?
I woke up one day and thought “did I jump my last jump?” And since it had been almost 2 years since I had jumped a jump (and about 2 years before that, and about 1 year before that…always trying to find lesson horses to use) I then asked myself “why was that your last jump?”
I realized that it was fear. And then I realized that I HAD to jump again! Even though I am a dressage rider. And dressage is my one true love, I also used to enjoy jumping but with so much time off in between, I had become scared. Not only that, I had told myself “oh I’m JUST a dressage rider”. Taking away all my power.
I saw one of Nancy’s clients talk about her experience with Nancy on Facebook. This was a superbly accomplished jumper rider whom I thought had NO FEAR! And when she shared her experience on Facebook that SHE had fear, and that Nancy helped her, I contacted Nancy right away.
As it turned out, jumping was the smallest part of my problem. Only a symptom of massive underlying past issues, hang-ups, old stories, and lies I had been telling myself for years. Essentially sabotaging myself from ever being happy until I let them all go.
What was one of your favorite aspects of coaching?
The complete brain spin! By that I mean, taking everything you think to be true and turning it around 180 degrees or just dumping it altogether! It’s not therapy. Therapy is talking about your problems. Making your problems the center of attention. Putting that problem in the middle of the room and stroking it, feeding it, making it bigger and more important. Coaching REMOVES the problems and frees you to be the best version of yourself.
Since coaching, what are some of the tangible results you’ve experienced in your life?
Oh my God where do I begin????
OK so my riding is SO MUCH BETTER!!!! For about 1,000 reasons. Confidence, my belief in myself, and very importantly, my ability to FINALLY stick through the hard stuff with one trainer. Not jump to a new trainer when I think I need it.
Secondly, my business is off the charts! I am making more money, I am more productive, and I am doing it while integrating so many more hours in the saddle. Less time at work but far more productive. Staying on task and not sabotaging myself.
Third, my marriage is better. Just prior to calling Nancy, my husband and I were on the verge of separation. We were in counseling (which was a joke) and not at all happy. I realized, through coaching with Nancy, that I was blaming him for all my problems. At the same time, I was waiting for permission to do the things I wanted to do. I was so STUCK!
I am happy to report that my husband and I are doing great! Much happier, communicating better, and the small stuff that made me want to hit him over the head with a cast iron skillet, no longer really bothers me! Funny how when you are too busy being HAPPY you don’t have time to nit pick and nag!
And I am less fearful. Of everything. Not only am I showing this horse confidently and with success now (the horse that I am half leasing), but I am also now helping my trainer with her very green sales horses. The girl who thought she needed a made packer who was bombproof, is riding horses that are 30-60 days under saddle! And fairly calmly also!
I am writing this on the heels of finishing my first show with the horse I half lease. We got amazing scores and 2 blue ribbons. That being said, I still KNOW I can ride better.
That my performance that day was just barely scratching the surface. I am determined to do even better. I know I have it in me. It had been 18 months since the last time I showed and this was the first time showing this new horse, so although I did a lot right, I still haven’t tapped into the rider I know I can be. It’s much better. But there is more.
I would not have known that there is more in me without my coaching. I will not settle for “OK”. And even though the outcome (a great score and a blue ribbon) was great, knowing that I can do even better is what drives me. It gave me confidence to get those scores, but now I know I can absolutely KILL IT! If that riding got me a 72%, just wait until the next time when make even greater improvements.
But I do have this feeling of gratitude for what I accomplished this weekend, and yet a burning drive to deliver more. Because I have a tremendous belief in myself now. I need to still unleash my greatest self. I am determined and continue to watch educational videos, listen to podcasts (on riding and sports psychology), take lessons, and with my new identity as an in-demand rockstar catch rider, ride as many different horses as possible.
I might not have tremendous resources, but I am extremely resourceful. (That was one of the first, new beliefs that Nancy told me I had to adopt on our first, free coaching call.) If that judge thinks THAT was good riding, just wait until next time!
So I have a peak performance mindset now and will continue to strive to be better…softer, more fluid, more accurate. And ride many, many horses to test myself and my accuracy, my softness, my tact, and my grace.
Thank you, Nancy Dye, for all your help. I feel so motivated! I feel so powerful!!! It’s amazing!
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