"Hey, can you call me back? I'll be going into the show ring soon!"
You go to your first big, prestigious, indoor event.
With your new YOUNG horse.
You are deligently working your game face mental game and keeping to your show rituals ...
(Despite the all day wait to go into the show ring.)
Including protecting yourself from things that you know can cause self-sabatoge ...
Like being psyched out watching the "top" competitors rocking it before you have to go in.
Yup, you got this! Feeling strong! This is the moment! You are excited! You many even win!
And then suddenly, there is a crack in your focused wall of steel.
Your "team" behind the scenes are stressing out!
(It only takes one person, and the next thing you know, everyone's mood suddenly takes a dive.)
They are nervous, and it displays as complaining and negative comments and you're thinking ...
"I can't be around this! They are ruining my positive attitude. They are going to sabatoge my performance."
You even start spinning around in the "I have to find a new barn to train out of. This isn't working for me."
Blame has now landed you squarely on the victim's bridle path.
And meanwhile ... you ARE with this barn, and your time to go into the show ring is coming up soon.
So you can't just leave their presence and run away from your feelings!
So now what do you do?
Well, in this case, the rider (who was my coaching client) put a call into me!
And soon she was laughing and back to feeling empowered.
(My tack trunk of tools is HUGE! But I create new ones on the fly depending upon issues people throw at me!)
For those who haven't yet read my book, Equestrian Rockstar, here is are some suggestions;
1. Start with what you can't do.
What you can't control.
Which is people!
(It is ALWAYS people, right?)
We can't change people, places or things.
We can't control what people say to us or their methods of delivery.
But we CAN control what we CHOOSE to believe about their toxic negative complaining ...
Or their comments to us ...
2. Stop giving it so much power!
It is not that their behavior has power over you.
It is that you are ALLOWING it to have power over you.
Why would you sabotage yourself with that?
We all have our own unique reasons that we may or may not even be aware of ...
But for most of us, one reason is your belief that it CAN effect you in a negative way.
So it is a BELIEF issue! Based on what? How did you even come up with this belief?
Based upon you not having stopped it from triggering you in the past.
(In the PAST!)
Decide to believe that and "they" got you!
They OWN you!
Which is why it makes you angry!
But it's not "their" fault because you have effectively handed your emotional power over to them!
"But they ARE effecting me, so it is not just a belief. It is the truth!"
It is your "truth" only because you have not yet learned and perfected an alternative truth.
You are choosing to drag your past beliefs, triggers, and reactions into your present!
You know, kind of the woman who comes out of the lady's room with a piece of toilet paper stuck to the heel of her shoe!
Yuck! Not an attractive look, right?
Want a solution?
3. Decide your new truth by starting with the ending.
What would you LIKE to be the truth?
How would you like to feel?
What if the truth was ...
You could be around anyone at anytime and never have them effect you so negatively?
(Sounds crazy and impossible, I know!)
But really, what if you "shielded" yourself by imagining yourself sprayed with Teflon before you see those people?
So everything just kind of slides off you?
Like cooking an egg in a pan sprayed with Teflon!
OK, crazy, I mean, you can't actually do that ...
Spray yourself all over with Teflon ...
But here is where a little imagination and a some humor becomes a game changer.
(Humor is the BEST way to change your state!)
I mean, these people are annoying, right?
No mental skills, right?
Lousy attitudes, check!
So while we may like to feel superior to these types of mindsets, it also ends up dragging us down by making us feel negative and stressed.
We are all just human beings!
(In this lifetime anyway!)
So how do you not become a victim of all this?
Decide to not be a victim and believe you can control its toxic effect on you!
Decide that you are empowered and strong enough to stand up against what you are perceiving as an attack on your mental state.
Think bug spray!
Spray yourself all over ... in your mind!
You can even put that mask back to use and pull it up when you get near them ...
Not from fear of Covid ...
But to protect you from a more infectious virus!
Other people complaining and stressing out!
And then shrink that virus, in your mind, with you own concoction of a vaccine.
I mean, how bad is this negative stress complaining that everyone is doing?
Is it really an attack?
Is is REALLY going to ruin everything?
Or IS just annoying ?
Because unless you want to keep focusing on it and blowing it up bigger and making it worse than it is ...
Demonizing it and them ...
And now THEY are the bad guys ...
And the perfect excuse for you to try to be centered by spinning around in your habitual narrative of complaining about them ...
But let's do this instead:
New bridle path! New mindset! New techniques!
(The tools work if you work them and NOT just read them!)
"See it as it is, not worse than it is!" Tony Robbins.
If you have blown it up and given it too much power ...
Just decide to take back your power and SHRINK it all down to just annoying.
Not something that can RUIN or dent your performance in the ring.
Then shrink it some more down to ...
Just a "tingle" that you can manage, even laugh at, and then ignore!
Next step ...
Go put on your headphones and listen to your playlist pump up music and stay focused.
Or distract yourself with something else ... but change your FOCUS!
"But I tried the music and distraction, and it didn't work! That's why I'm calling you!)
Me: "Yes, but tools don't work when you are using them on the wrong bridle path. You have to shift that FIRST!"
First, we get off the victim mode.
That's the wrong identity, and we will always remain consistent with whom we believe we are."
We REPLACE that mode or gear with Extreme Ownership.
We take our power BACK!
WE decide our results every day!
We use our tools from the Equestrian Rockstar identity bridle path. The empowered neuropathway!
Listen, no one can throw you off your course or unseat you unless you allow them to.
Make that your new rule and your NEW reality about who you are.
And how you show up and do life!
(And how you look BEFORE you leave the restroom!)
It's all about the meaning that you give to things.
It's all about your focus and the beliefs that you CHOOSE!
Honestly, when it comes to people ...
We are all imperfect.
But either "their mindset" is going to win or yours is.
Either they are in control of your results and your destiny or you are!
(These aren't the only tools, by the way. There are lots of fun things that work depending upon who you are and what works for you!)
But back to the story about my client ...
How did it all turn out?
At her first big indoor event with her new, young horse?
She rocked it and even won one of her classes.
"Nancy, The Teflon Spray" technique and DECIDING it was all sliding right off of me worked great! Thanks!"
Me: Congrats to you! You invested in coaching. You picked up the phone BEFORE it sabatoged you. Then you APPLIED the techniques.
And therfore, you achieved your goals!
It works if you work it!
Similar coaching stories can be found in my book or to chat about coaching, schedule a call:
Equestrian Rockstars; Solving Your Puzzle for Riding With Confidence and JOY
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Stay Fearless and Powerful!
Breakthrough Mental Skills Coach
Emotional Strength & Resiliency Trainer