For Mother's Day, I'm flying solo without my wingman (photo below), but congratulations to my son, Chad, for his recent promotion to COO at a public company investing in and operating renewable energy companies through the U.S. I'm so happy my former Captain has successfully transitioned out of the United States Air Force!
“Had my mother been who I wanted her to be, I would not be the man today that I am proud to be.” Tony Robbins
I concur with that statement. Both Tony and I had “challenging” mothers. My mother told me I should never have a child; that I wouldn’t make a good mother. I was very young when she told me this, and I think it was prompted from her friend bringing over a toddler, and I stayed in my hesitation/assessment gear because I had never been around a child that age and wasn’t sure to to do. Plus, I thought it was entertaining to watch everyone else having fun with the child! (Always interesting the negative meanings people choose to give to events.)
As I got older, she also informed me that I would never be able to quit smoking. Or drinking. Or to achieve anything else on my list of goals; to include walking out their door and being independent from them. My Ivy League educated father chimed in, “You’ll never make it on your own!” as I walked out and slammed the door behind me!
This was not the bad news! This was the gift! Cue my inner rebel to step up to the challenge and defy the odds. “Oh yeah? Just watch me,” I yelled back at my father!
(For anyone who thinks my father was being cruel, no, he knew my inner rebel would be activated, and that I would get my back up and become defiant. And win.)
My father was a tough, former Marine. It was a psyop … also known as leadership skills that comes from the book, “The Art of War.” To win a battle, you have to know your enemy and choose the right strategy! Or pattern interrupt.
I always rose to the occasion when I was challenged. Guess it was just my competitive nature from having grown up at my family’s large, overnight sports camp in Vermont.
This is how I created the “I’ll show you” purpose and mission technique for achieving goals and overcoming adversity that I use with my coaching clients. Shift into the mission/purpose gear. Show off to the world how great you are! Prove your naysayers (and yourself) wrong!
My husband, Jack Miles, deployed the same technique when he was young and no one, not even his parents, encouraged him that he could become a world class gymnastic athlete. He allowed their disbelief and attempts to discourage and sabotage him to generate the anger that he channeled into the positive leverage that fueled him to PROVE all of them wrong! (Always interesting how people CHOOSE to demonize anger or to use it in a way that serves them better!)
The point of this post of Mother’s Day?
1. You don’t have to be the perfect parent. Even poor parenting can make your children driven to overcome those imperfections and/or that adversity and to succeed. Anyway!
2. It may not always look like we “succeeded” in being good parents. With all the learning curve bumps along the “growing up bridle path”, it may take time before we see if THEY take extreme ownership for passing all of life’s tests along the way. And if they successfully clear those hurdles.
It is not always a straight line forward. Sometimes, it is a bending line. Sometimes a roll back. Sometimes an elimination. But as long as they don’t quit and instead, keep going back into the ring and staying the course, they will eventually come out on top.
4. Adversity like I had as a child from people we love who SHOUlD show us the love and support we need … will either break you or make you, and that outcome is YOUR responsibility! As long as we don’t blame, which makes us disempowered victims, we can take extreme ownership and generate whatever results we want.
2. For me, where did my confidence come from? My answer is the same as my husband’s answer to that question; “I decided to believe!” Then I showed up and acted as if I did believe, worked on elevating my beliefs, and took the actions required to achieve my goals.
3. Generate and FEEL the gratitude for everyone that God puts in our life. They are ALL put in our lives to teach and help us to grow. If you are complaining about someone, change the story you are telling yourself and others.
If someone in your life triggers you enough with their message that FINALLy pushes you to stand up, to become empowered, and to FINALLY take the reins to change and grow, even if it is a “toxic” person, understand how God (and messengers) work and feel the gratitude for that leverage.
Because THAT negative message and event WAS the whole point that it was put on your bridle path! Understand that God uses everyone and ANYONE to mould you into your best self.
Don’t get distracted by allowing yourself to demonize the messengers because you don’t like their message and then dismiss that growth opportunity inherent in that message you don’t want to hear. Embrace the gift of the message and event. And eventually, you will be able to do the same with the messenger.
There is no bad news or experiences. “Life is not happening TO us, but FOR us.” Tony Robbins
Thanks, mom! I LOVED the challenge of proving you wrong! About absolutely ALL OF YOUR LIMITiNG BELIEFS about me!
You were entitled to your own opinions, but the belief I chose was ... you're opinions were not going to be based in reality.
I love the smell of victory every, single Mother’s Day!
Our results in riding and life are up to us!
Breakthrough, Peak Performance Mental Skills Coach
Emotional Strength & Resiliency Skills