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Not winning?
"But I'm a top rider in my division! Make it make sense!"
OK!
Everyone goes to a horse show loaded for bear.
And the bigger the show, the more "bear" they bring.
There are two main types of "bear" that riders decide to bring with them;
1) The story and belief that they can win.
2) The story and belief that they probably won't.
(Sometimes they really DO believe they can win, but yet at the same time, they mitigate possible fall out by subconsciously "engineering" a reality or belief that there is a good reason why they won't at this particular show!)
You know, just in case!
The problem with that scenario is that we are not "all in and burn the boats" as they say in the military! We are going on the mission with a "California split" plan B intention and focus in case we fail.
Wait, who said anything about having doubts? Who said anything about failing the mission? (Don't split your focus and create doubts!)
Now, what would be the reason for showing up with a story and a belief that you won't win?
Did you see the Facebook post from the PA National Horse Show where about 15 riders waiting to go into the show ring ...
And they are asked, one by one ON CAMERA, who they believed was going to win the competition of 206 riders?
I couldn't believe this was being done!
And not one rider in that group of competitors said their own name!
Wait, what?
None of you believe that you will win?
Why show up at a horse show with that defeatist or "participation only" attitude?
Why would anyone do that to themselves?
I know, I know ... I mean, the list is long as to why each rider feels they can't win.
But that is the problem right there!
That they are too focused on and believing too much in OTHER people winning instead of the believing they themselves will win!
This is what I call coming to a show "loaded with bear!"
Let me introduce to you, Bear Shit ... the cousin of Bull Shit!
Now, some riders buy into the defeatist attitude from their basic real life circumstances or life story ...
Maybe they recently had an illness or their horse was in rehab or maybe even THEY were in rehab.
OK, it COULD be that those are true stories.
It could ALSO be that our sudden illness before an event, and needing to take time off from riding, was "coincidental."
In other words, subconsciously, we decided to allow ourselves to not keep up with our training schedule.
Because everyone knows the more you train consistently, the better you would or SHOULD BE! So, let's dump all the expectations and get rid of that pressure and possible disappointment, right?
For other riders, the "loaded for bear" story is that they just started going to college, so they are no longer training as hard as they used to.
Or perhaps for other riders, maybe a "sudden" change and a tougher work load with their careers "just happen" to pop up. Or family obligations.
(Some of you actually admit later that you VOLUNTEERED for these gigs right before a big show!)
Like the rider that organized and lead a large team in an all day fund raising race the day before an important show and and showed up the next morning feeling "under the weather." (Another true story!)
Is this a case of wanting her cake and eating it too? Or lack of discipline? Or wanting a triple bonus; participate in two events and use the first one as an excuse for the second one not being her best?
Of course, sometimes real situations come up that we can't control.
But trust me, allowing ourselves this kind of distraction happens too! "Oh, I saw this house I always wanted to buy was up for sale and HAD to jump on it before someone else did?" (This is a rider's true story, BTW!)
The subconscious reasons for not being as ready for the show can become very creative.
"I know, we've been for that other trainer for a long time, and done really well, but we were just curious and open for a new perspective." A month before the year end finals?
(Even if this rider does show well with the new trainer, would they have performed even better with the certainty provided by staying with the old trainer?)
What is going on in all the scenarios?
It is all "bear shit" ... a load of you know what! It's coming to the show with a load of excuses as to why you won't win.
"But I am busy and not riding as much!"
I know. And I agree, right before a show is NOT when you want to suddenly slam on the brakes.
(And yet, I can't tell you how common this is! In fact, as the finals start coming close, it is almost just like the lyrics of this song, "I can feel it coming in the air tonight , hold on!")
What's coming? The sudden drop out of training! The engineering of excuses!
But if life happens, and if it is TRULY impossible to keep that foot on the gas pedal to arrive at a show in absolute top, prepared form, minimizing the outside influences of uncertainty in your life, the meaning you give to that "not ideal" reality is that you no longer know how to ride?
Because it is all or nothing?
So, you are telling yourself a story that your physical or mental skills are not working as well because of a busy few weeks or month or two? Suddenly the riding knowledge and skills are gone? And you don't remember how to ride your usual mount? And you don't know how to strategize a course? Or how to apply your mental skills?
Of course not! So what is driving all this "bear shit" that we come loaded with to the horse show?
The fear of not being as good as we KNOW we can be. Or have been in the past. Or SHOULD be!
And pre-planning how to mitigate that disappointment and how to "make it make it sense."
To us, to our barn family, our family, our friends, and the industry records!
Bottom line: we are all showing up with a story to a horse show.
We are either PRE-loaded for the bear will all the reasons we will win or ...
We have preloaded the excuses, and in many cases, have started engineering that story BEFORE the horse show day!
REALLY wanting to win, and believing we can, can slowly slip down into this other negative "bear shit" if we don't work hard ...
On APPLYING our mental skills. And RELOADING a belief about doubt into a new story about why we WILL win.
And even if a rider can't "get there" a 100 percent in their belief about themselves winning ...
The truth is, they don't need 100 percent.
They just need to change their story ANYWAY!
And DECIDE to do a new story ...
And DECIDE to program their brain to win ... since their brain doesn't know what the truth is anyway!
(This is the brain; "Oh, that other rider is going to win today? OK, if you say so. Well, I can take my foot off the gas pedal then and go find the file with your "not winning or placing today" plan!")
Riders have to decide; do you want a story about how you can win and then enjoy the results of manifesting that?
And then be all in with that decision and belief and go in there burning the boats so failure is not an option and winning is the only one?
Or do you want to use those EXACT SAME MANIFESTING SKILLS to create a story about the "completely understandable reasons" why you couldn't ride at your best?
Even if we have the technical skills to ride well, even if we have an entire trunk full of mental skills tools and techniques, we literally have to APPLY ALL OF THIS!
For the busy college student or the career professional, can you come with a story and a mission that you are not going to be a cliché? That you are going to surprise all the naysayers and doubters and beat out the competition that is over prepared and burnt out?
Can you use your "absence" from training before an event and spin a story about how you are coming in having had a much needed refreshing vacation?
Can you come into the show, regardless of life events, and create a mission to show off how you can overcome adversity and go show and win anyway?
A perfect example is the grand prix rider, Christie Israel, who had to do a memorial grand prix competition under the lights event for her father who had recently passed away.
A great excuse to not do her best. Or to even show up, right?
But no! We spun that story around in a way that she was now a powerful, impactful mission, and we built that story up in such a way that she actually BELIEVED that OF COURSE she would win that event even if no one in the crowd believed that she could pull that off so soon after he passed.
And win she did!
Because she created a new story, and she went in there loaded with THAT bear!
What's the take away here?
Build a better bear!
(This story is in my book, "Equestrian Rockstars: Solving Your Puzzle for Riding With Confidence and Joy.")
Nancy Dye
Breakthrough, Peak Performance Mental Skills Coach
Emotional Strength & Resiliency Trainer
Strategic Interventionist
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